never play flip cup with pint glasses
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize