Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
