I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
