Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
