if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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