this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
