im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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