Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
