Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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