god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
