Whats the glycemic index on semen?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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