Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
