So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I seem to have left my pride at pride
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
