I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I will die if light touches me.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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