they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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