I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
