Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
