Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
