How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
