I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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