ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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