margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
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