So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
