Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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