i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
organizing the empties. That sober.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
