her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize