She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
