What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
