Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Pants are for mortals
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
