John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
