I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I deserve this hangover.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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