he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
