just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
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