I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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