I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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