My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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