There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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