we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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