I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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