Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Randomize
