i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
