Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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