Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
