Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
