I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
