You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I just googled if crying burns calories
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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