He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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