maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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