Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
