i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize