You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
