i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
