I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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