He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Another day, another engagement, another cat
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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