I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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