if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize