We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
