That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
COCAINE IS GR8
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
