Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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