she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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