As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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