Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Randomize
