If that was your dad, he is hot
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She's the barista slut.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
