So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
