actually, I'm a sock model
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
