Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I have already put on my inside pants.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
