Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
