Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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