thus making me awesome and them whores
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
