dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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