Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
