Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
