your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
