If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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