I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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