Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
