this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
