So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
