i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
