Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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