At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
